You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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