literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
