I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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