We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
