he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
