I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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