Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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