I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
