so explain again why im purple
no
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize