If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
