why didn't you poke me back
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Randomize
