dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
