My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize