No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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