Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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