I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
