I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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