I wish life had little blips of pornography
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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