If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's rum buckets o'clock
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
