wat bout pragnant strippers??
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
