I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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