She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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