I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
