Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
