my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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