when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
