He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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