bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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