Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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