i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
