Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
