you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
