But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
