you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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