sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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