what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
