At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
