it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize