I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
