Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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