You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
