i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
foreskin is a definite game changer
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
