Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
