The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
