Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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