I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You pole danced in your parka.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
