he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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