she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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