I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
