Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
