it was like his penis was on wheels.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
