OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
