and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do vagina's smell?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
