No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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