i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
