If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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