Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
