Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize