Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
