Just fell off a train. Bad.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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