I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
