do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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