forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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