If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
