420 ftw
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
