girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
