I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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