I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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