Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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