I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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