So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
