I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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