So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
