she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
