i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
