His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
