Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
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