so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize