Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
