I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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