My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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