the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We need to get me chipped asap
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
