I heard we made out
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
