i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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