(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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