After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
