His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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