Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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