I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
