i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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