Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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