so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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