i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize