Taylor Swift is so right about you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
