I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
