My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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