Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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