So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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